As a marriage celebrant, one of the greatest honours I have is helping couples shape the most personal part of their ceremony – their vows. Writing your own wedding vows is more than a symbolic gesture. It’s a deeply meaningful moment where you articulate your love, your journey, and the promises you make to each other as you step into married life.
In this post, I’ll walk you through why personal vows matter and how to write them (with practical tips) in an anuthentic, grounded way. Whether you’re someone who’s always known they’d write their own vows, or you’ve just started thinking about it, this guide is for you. Read on…
Why personal vows matter
Personal vows make your wedding ceremony feel warm, intentional, and true to your relationship. They give you the chance to speak directly to your partner in a way that feels natural and heartfelt. While every Australian ceremony must include the legal vows, your personal vows are completely flexible. They allow you to bring your personality, your humour, your history, and your hopes for the future into the moment.
When to start writing
Give yourself time to think. Many couples find that starting a few weeks or months before the wedding helps them feel relaxed and clear. Take notes whenever ideas come to mind. Little moments, shared habits, things you admire, values you cherish, or dreams you share often make the strongest foundations.
Decide on tone together
Before you begin writing, have a quick chat about the tone you both want. You do not need to match each other word for word, but it helps if your vows sit in the same space. Maybe you both prefer something warm and sincere, or something light and gently funny, or a balance of both. You can still keep your vows private from each other while agreeing on the general feel.
How to structure your vows
A simple structure can make writing feel less overwhelming. Try this:
- Start with your partner
Speak directly to them. Use their name. Begin with a thought about what they mean to you or a moment that stands out in your relationship. - Share what you love
Focus on qualities, habits, and small details that genuinely matter to you. Be specific. Specificity makes your vows sound real and personal. - Make your promises
Think about what you want to commit to in your life together. These can be serious, playful, or a mix, as long as they are true to who you are. - Look toward the future
Finish with a hopeful statement about the life you want to build together or what you choose today.
How long your vows should be
Aim for around one to two minutes when spoken aloud (that’s 100-300 words). This keeps the moment meaningful without feeling rushed or too long. Save fun facts and long stories for the reception, once everyone’s a bit more relaxed and holding a glass of bubbles in their hand! As your celebrant, I’m happy to guide you if you are unsure about length or balance.
Tips to bring your vows to life
- Write in your natural voice. You do not need to sound poetic or formal unless that feels right for you.
- Avoid long stories or inside jokes that only a few people will understand.
- Keep your promises realistic and authentic.
- Read your vows aloud when you practise. You will hear where you need to pause or adjust.
- Have your vows printed on a small card, so you feel comfortable on the day (I’ll do this for you!)
- Take your time during the ceremony. Breathe, look at your partner, and let the moment unfold gently.
- Share your vows with your celebrant (me) beforehand if you want support with flow or clarity.
Final thoughts
Writing your personal wedding vows is not about perfection. It is about choosing words that express your love and your commitment in a way that feels honest and grounded. With the right structure, a little reflection, and some gentle guidance, your vows can become one of the most memorable parts of your ceremony.
If you’re looking for inspiration, you can read my post Examples of personal wedding vows. And, if you’d like help shaping yours or reviewing what you have written, I’m always happy to support you as your celebrant.
Much love,
Andrés ❤️
Your Adelaide Celebrant